10:28pm
So.. this previous Tuesday, December 12th, I had attended another meeting for Amway.
While I had been getting ready for the meeting, I found myself getting extremely anxious.
I had been spiraling negatively because once again, I was and am now having issues with my car and right when I come up with a plan to attack my debt, of course something happens with my car that is going to cost money to mf fix. When I literally just had it taken to the shop a month ago.
I have spent thousands of dollars over my car this past year and I’m getting to the point where I’m asking myself if it is even worth putting the money into.
It’s a 2015 Ford Escape, so it’s not that old. And I’m at like 130 something thousand miles now. But this year I have been dumping so much money into it this year and it has really set me back on a let of goals, trips, and experiences because of it.
But I hadn’t gotten that great of sleep Monday night, so I was a little bit more emotional than normal. I was exhausted by the time it was come to the meeting and I didn’t want to dress up and try to look like I’m put together when I am in fact, not put together, and am very far from it.
This is what I was saying in the moment, but just because I am struggling financially, that does not mean that I am not put together. That’s what I am telling myself at least. I’m sure when I have more money in my bank account and am no longer worried about finances like I am now, I will have something different to say; but for now.. I digress (hehe).
I was also trying to come up with excuses to tell my friend/mentor on why I couldn’t come. I had a full list full of excuses, but for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to come up with an excuse good enough.
Plus, I have a bad habit of thinking too much about scenarios before they happen and I cause myself unnecessary spirals because I think about all of the bad things that could possibly happen.
No wonder I start spiraling when I do that LMAO.
But this time, I told myself that I’m going to go, even though I am anxious, I will still go; anxiously.
As long as I had went, it didn’t matter how I was feeling.
And to be completely honest, I rarely ever have a bad time doing anything. So I need to start thinking about great scenarios before doing things because 99.99% of the time, things always turn out well anyways.
When I had arrived at the meeting, my friend/mentor was picking up the person from the airport. Which meant that I was going to have to socialize and I was not in the right headspace for that.
However, I managed to spark up a few conversations with first-timers.
While we were waiting for the speaker to get there, the person that was hosting the meeting had began talking about adversity. And he asked us, “When face-to-face with adversity, what are you going to do about it?”
As soon as I heard this, my ears perked up and I immediately started thinking about my car. Bitching and moaning isn’t going to fix it, so what the hell am I going to do about it?
It was such an inspiring thought to me because I felt like I could take control of the situation. I just have to pivot and figure it the fuck out.
When the speaker had gotten there, I had taken notes of what my main takeaways were from the meeting.
Association is super powerful
Which sat with me because this was the first time in my life when I have been surrounded by people that are all trying to better themselves and better their lives. We all have a story and we are figuring it out together.
From the last time he spoke (in my blog post Notes From a Multi-Millionaire), he had mentioned that successful people hang out with successful people, and many of the people that I have been meeting through Amway are successful people. So I feel silly for not trying to pursue this
Finances gives you choices
At the end of the day, we live in a world where money plays a big factor in the things that you are able to experience. So why not make it a goal to make more money and be consistent with it
Doing this will give me the life that I want. When he had mentioned this, I thought about how I have been trying to do so many things on the side to bring money in on my own. And this Amway opportunity fell in my lap. So why would I not pursue this opportunity where I have people that will hold my hand and support me throughout all the way, rather than teaching myself something difficult when I don’t really know what I’m doing and I wouldn’t have the same type of support. PLUS putting more efforts into Amway will allow me to invest in myself and into this website, and any fucking thing else I wanna do.
You HAVE to know your mission
If you don’t have a strong enough why, you will not succeed
Know why you are doing the things that you are doing and be intentional
Your dreams grow as your self-image grows
This really stuck with me because I have always had big goals and dreams for myself. But I always thought of them as strictly dreams. Never had I thought that it could actually be a reality of mine.
Bouncing off of that, as I have been on my self-improvement journey, I have been growing my self-image and my dreams have become more clear and on-point as I have been bettering my self image. This is something that I’ve been working on for such a long time, and will forever be working on it, but happy with where I am at today compared to where I was a few months ago.
Learn to live through your values instead of a paycheck
Right now I bend my values for a silly little paycheck which shapes other aspects of my life. When I learn to live through my values, I will be spending my money differently and being more intentional with it and where it’s going (should start doing it now, low key).
After the meeting, I had been expressing to my friend/mentor and his wife on where my headspace has been at with dealing with my car. I had also mentioned that I feel like any time I am about to take a step forward, something happens to take me three steps back. And his wife said something to me along the lines of, “When faced with adversity, that means that we are doing something right. And we are being challenged to grow in order to move forward and become that person that we are trying to become.” Then they offered to sit down with me and go over a plan for my finances on tackling all of this. They really got my back and I get emotional about it sometimes honestly.
The first time my car went to the shop, I had learned that I have the power to payoff my debt (considering I was able to pull off paying a $2,500 loan in three months). The second time when it had shut down in St. Pete, it had taught me that I got myself in this situation by not having any money, so I made myself walk 16 miles to become a man that does something about his problems. After doing that, that’s when I was presented with the Amway opportunity when picking up my car from the shop. Then this third time, it is to learn how to ask and accept help from those who are more successful than where I am currently at.
The day after, on Wednesday, December 13th, I had done a Tarot reading. I was asking it what path I should take in this journey. And did a past, present, future reading. I had gotten:
Nine of Pentacles (upright)- Past
Eight of Swords (upright)- Present
Nine of Swords (reversed)- future
I always look up the meaning of my readings on https://biddytarot.com/.. So let’s go:
Nine of Pentacles (upright)- PAST
“You have worked hard to create abundance in your life, and the Nine of Pentacles says now you can finally enjoy the fruits of your labour. Thanks to your independent efforts, self-confidence and discipline, you attained a well-deserved success and created a stable foundation for your material wealth and comfort. Now, sit back, relax and enjoy the luxuries and pleasures of the good life – money, leisure time, fun, material comfort and rest. You deserve it!
When the Nine of Pentacles appears in a Tarot reading, do not be scared to splurge, indulge or pamper yourself, especially as a reward for all of your hard work. Treat yourself to a special occasion or a personal gift to celebrate your journey here. You have already achieved so much, and while you may not be at the finish line just yet, this is your opportunity to acknowledge your achievements and re-energise yourself for the final phase.
The Nine of Pentacles also speaks of financial independence. The woman in this card has created a luxurious lifestyle by her own actions and efforts. She encourages you to do the same – to create abundance and independence so that you can take care of yourself in the long-term. Invest wisely and seek financial advice to make the most of your wealth. Don’t rely on others to support you; this Nine is an independent woman.
While the suit of Pentacles typically focuses on material wealth and gain, this card also suggests that you are in harmony with the environment around you. You appreciate the beauty and abundance found in nature, and you can harness this high-vibe energy to bring pleasure into your life. You may enjoy gardening or floristry, or you may just like to pass your time in the beauty of nature with picnics or walks in the park.”
This had me shook because my theme for this month was Nine of Pentacles (reversed) so it showing up as my Past card in my reading had symbolized that I have finally built the foundation that I have needed to create to finally start building wealth. This chapter in my life was the final step into completing the foundation for my future. Which is crazy because we are about to start a whole ass new year!! 2024 is going to be a great year.
Eight of Swords (upright)- PRESENT
“The Eight of Swords reveals that you feel trapped and restricted by your circumstances. You believe your options are limited with no clear path out. You might be in an unfulfilling job, an abusive relationship, a significant amount of debt or a situation way out of alignment with your inner being. You are now trapped between a rock and a hard place, with no resolution available. However, take note that the woman in the card is not entirely imprisoned by the eight swords around her, and if she wanted to escape, she could. She merely needs to remove the blindfold and free herself from the self-imposed bindings that hold her back.
When the Eight of Swords appears in a Tarot reading, it comes as a warning that your thoughts and beliefs are no longer serving you. You may be over-thinking things, creating negative patterns or limiting yourself by only considering the worst-case scenario. The more you think about the situation, the more you feel stuck and without any options. It is time to get out of your head and let go of those thoughts and beliefs holding you back. As you change your thoughts, you change your reality. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones, and you will start to create a more favourable situation for yourself.
The Eight of Swords assures you there is a way out of your current predicament – you just need a new perspective. You already have the resources you need, but it is up to you to use those resources in a way that serves you. Others may be offering you help, or there may be an alternative solution you haven’t yet fully explored. Be open to finding the answer rather than getting stuck on the problem.
The Eight of Swords is often associated with a victim mentality. You surrendered your power to an external entity, allowing yourself to become trapped and limited in some way. You may feel that it isn’t your fault – you have been placed here against your will. You may feel like the victim, waiting to be rescued, but is this energy serving you? If not, it is imperative you take back your power and personal accountability and open your eyes to the options in front of you. The fact is you do have choices, even if you do not like them. You are not powerless.
At times, the Eight of Swords indicates that you are confused about whether you should stay or go, particularly if you are in a challenging situation. It is not as clear-cut as you would like, making the decision very difficult. You have one foot in, hoping things can work out, but your other foot is out the door, ready to leave. The trouble is that you worry either option could lead to negative consequences, and so you remain stuck where you are. Again, this card is asking you to get out of your head and drop down into your gut and your intuition so you can hear your inner guidance. Your thoughts are not serving you right now, but your intuition is. Trust yourself.”
This really stuck out to me because I have been learning on how to tackle my debt recently and then having to deal with my car again, I had negatively spiraled up until the meeting Tuesday. However, as I am typing this, a few hours ago today, I had found out that we had gotten an eviction notice if we did not pay for rent (I didn’t know how behind we were but I guess we hadn’t paid on the first and it is now the 15th.. oops).
Right before I had found that out, I was staring at my bank accounts and counting how much money I had. I had around $1,400 collectively in my checking and savings. Which had me hella happy. But then literally 5 minutes after checking all of that, I got the news about the eviction and had to withdraw all my money to use towards that LMAO. The news hit my sister pretty hard, but I decided to give it neutral attention and decided to take a nap after I had received the news. When I woke up, I felt refreshed and instead of feeling like “Omg how the fuck are we gonna pay this?” I shifted my mindset to, “Okay, what am I going to do about this?” and that shit be hitting different, lemme tell you.
Nine of Swords (reversed)- FUTURE
“The Nine of Swords reversed shows that you are experiencing deep inner turmoil as a result of your mindset. Your negative thoughts are taking you in a downward spiral of despair and anxiety that contradicts reality; you are making things feel much worse than they really are.
You may try to keep your worries private and personal to you, but if you are struggling to keep your head above water, it may now be time to confide in others and seek their help and support. Others will offer you a new perspective, or even just a place to vent, that will ease some of the stress and tension.
The Nine of Swords reversed appears when you are gripped by fear. You are allowing your fears to impede your fullest potential and it is stripping you of your life force. You cannot take a step forward because you are so distressed about what might happen. Get a reality check and evaluate which fears are warranted, and which are not. Release your limiting beliefs, crippling fears, and self-doubt.
The reversed Nine of Swords can also point out that you are incredibly hard on yourself, putting yourself down or engaging in negative self-talk. So, when the Nine of Swords reversed appears in a reading, ask yourself why you are so hard on yourself. How are you putting yourself down, and what is the source of your depression? What can you do to make yourself feel better? You may need to make a more conscious effort to quit the negative self-talk and replace it with positive reinforcement for a job well done.
On a more positive note, the Nine of Swords reversed can show that you have already worked through this period of worry and depression and are making a recovery. You may have come to the realization that things are not as bad as you made them out to be, and you are beginning to relax and calm yourself about what was once a terrifying situation.”
This shit was spot on with about asking for help and how I have been learning to work through this period of worry and depression so when I read this reading I was honestly really caught off guard. It was so spot on.
In conclusion to all of that though, despite my car having to get something fixed again, and my sister and I getting borderline evicted out of our house, everything is fine :)
Life is beautiful and everything will play out the way that it supposed to.
As always, I shall see you on the flip side.
Love always,
Kyrin.
