turning the tables
Yooo… I have not been keeping up with the journal entries and I apologize for that. Life has been “busy” as they say. I get in my head sometimes when I take too long to journal because then when it comes time to journal, I am constantly thinking about everything that has happened since I last wrote and trying to highlight the most important things that has happened.
Since we have talked, a few events have happened that have had a special place in my heart.
1. being that things have gotten official with the guy that I have been seeing and I have a boyfriend. Ahh!!
2. I went to a drum circle recently and just being around that positive energy and creating special moments with the people you care about really just does something to my heart, so basically I just felt hella inspired.
3. I went to Miami with my boyfriend and his boss. While in Miami I designed and completed my first website. It was really sentimental to me because it was for my best-friend! It’s a sick ass website and I’m really happy with how it turned out.
4. After building the website for my best-friend, I decided to build my own website to start advertising that I do this. During my time in Miami, I saw a lot of cool people, a lot of amazing art, and sooooooo much inspiration to what exists out there. I felt so inspired and so drawn to just be in all of the creativity. Idk how to explain it. I just felt so much joy in my heart, I felt like a kid with that sensation of running around the playground. Shit was so lit.
That being said though, I’m really fucking struggling financially right now. I am behind on so many bills, have to pay for that ticket that I got last month, and merp. I am the worst I have been financially, but.. after this Miami trip and seeing how success is out there, all I want to do is work work work until I get out of this reality that I am in right now. I am tired of being broke all of the time.
I don’t even want money for the materialistic aspect, I just want it so I can finally breathe a little. My body has been in a constant fear of what is to come and how am I going to pay for everything that I am behind on. Which has trickled into me not being the best version of myself that I could possibly be.
As I am establishing myself as an adult, I am really making sure that I am setting myself up for success going forward. I have been dealing with the consequences done by a past version of myself that I no longer identify by/with anymore. Which fucking blows. Because present me doesn’t want to deal with all that shit that I decided ignorantly long ago.
On the bright side though, I guess that’s all a part of the journey. And now that I have been on a path these past few years to really heal from things in my past and to learn how to dance with the universe and create the life that I have always dreamt of and deserve.
It takes a lot of courage to chase after the things that bring you genuine joy in this world. These past few years I have really been sitting in with myself and figuring out what is it that I truly desire in this life. I only get to be Kyrin one time in this life. Why not make it an amazing story and leave behind a beautiful legacy for when I am no longer walking this earth.
I say that because I don’t see enough people chasing after their dreams anymore. Which can lead to a lot of negative emotions and negative energy that they subconsciously put out into the world.
Everything that is existing right now has a ripple effect in everything that is happening. That being said, if I can shine light and create inspiration in others to do the things that they have always been scared of and to show them what that journey looks like in it’s raw form, that will create a lot of positive ripples in the universe and that’s dope asf if you ask me.
I’m a little high right now so I apologize if any of that is a little “too woke” for how we are feeling a the moment hehe. But just throwing my thoughts out there.
Part of me got that idea from Dan Koe’s book The Art of Focus. In this book, he states, “If behavior changes on a large enough scale, it can influence the health of society, culture, and even the cosmos at large. Your actions have impact.”
Are you picking up what I’m putting down?
I just wanna do some good in this life. So that’s why I say all that. Respectfully.
Oh yeah, since I haven’t made a post in April yet, let me update you on the theme for this month. This month in my tarot reading I got Five of Pentacles (Reversed). And according to Biddy Tarot (https://biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/minor-arcana/suit-of-pentacles/five-of-pentacles/) The Five of Pentacles (Reversed) states:
“The Five of Pentacles reversed indicates an end to difficult times, particularly if you have recently suffered a major financial hit or job loss. You may find new sources of income, a new job, or someone has offered to help you out while you get back on your feet. You may be starting to feel as if life is worth living again and regaining your self-confidence. Finally, you can see a way out of your financial difficulties and your hope is renewed.
The reversed Five of Pentacles can sometimes illuminate the persistence of inner, spiritual poverty. You may feel as though something is missing or entirely out of place but are struggling to put your finger on what it might be. You may also feel isolated and alone, even in the company of many people. On deeper reflection, you may come to realise that you have placed too much emphasis on your material wealth and have neglected your spiritual well-being.
It may worry you that you don’t have ‘enough’, especially when it comes to money and material possessions, and that you are not worthy because you are not wealthy. Perhaps you feel that you do not deserve expensive, luxury items, or that you cannot afford the things you truly want. You may worry that if you spend your money now, you won’t have enough for later. Or perhaps you’re spending your money on trivial things, leaving little left over for what you truly want. Either way, this negative cycle will only lead you to feel even more spiritually unfulfilled and ‘empty’. How might you break out of it?
If you find your fixation on material things is causing harm to your spirit and your mindset, then it’s time to stop. Even if you have just a few cents to your name, you may still have a loving family or a beating heart. Yes, things may suck right now, but if you hear this poverty mindset coming through in your thoughts, pause for a moment and ask yourself whether “I can’t afford it” is the truth or a limiting belief. Trust that the Universe is here to support you financially, especially when you are following your calling and your soul purpose. When you truly value something, you’ll make it happen.”
Damn.. I haven’t read that since the first but I needed to hear that again lol. That’s crazy though because I forgot about that reading and I am just naturally doing what feels right which is leading to that shit. Interesting.
I’m about to go work on my website more so we will chat later. But I hope you found something useful from this post or I was at least able to put a lil smile on your face throughout your day. You’re beautiful and we’ll chat soon.
Love always, Kyrin.
