In The Swamp

According to Urban Dictionary, “The Swamp” is “The collective group of hoes in a particular area, such as a school, church, college, etc..”

Which is where I have been lately because my stinkin’ silly goose self has been on GRINDR :/ I also haven’t been going to the gym consistently and have been “busy” (whatever the fuck that means).

On the bright side, I downloaded this app called Qwick recently and worked my first shift on it yesterday (December 8th, 2023). The app pretty much posts ads for companies/events that need staff that specialize in hospitality. So I was able to work at a nice ass country club here in Tampa.

I also worked a Christmas Party at a well known local interior designer’s mansion last weekend. His house had a lot of history behind it, I felt like I was in a museum. It was super dope. I got to smoke and drink with the people at the party so I was litty tiddies by the end of the night, respectfully.

This past week I also went to Orlando to visit some good friends of mine. We celebrated Hanukkah with a little get together and then the following day we had went to GatorLand.

If you’ve read one of earlier blog posts, you know that I fricking love gators, so GatorLand is like my happy place.

For those that don’t know what GatorLand is.. pls look it up (hehe).

I told myself that my time away in Orlando was going to let me regather myself and put this bitch (my life) in sport; AKA tackling my debt. I met with my friend that works with Amway and we went over my budget from these past three months and came up with a game plan to get in a better place financially.

It was a little embarrassing to show him where I was at with my debt but at the same time, it was the first time I ever had someone look over my finances so it was really nice hearing what to do about my money from someone else that has a better grip on their income.

Paying off this car loan recently has really made me feel like if I truly made it my mission to pay off my credit cards, then you bet your ass I can do it. For so long it’s just seemed like something that has seemed impossible or never going to happen, and since that’s what I believed, I’m sure that’s what would have continued to happen. But ever since my perspective has changed on paying off my loans, and how amazing it feels to pay something off, I just gotta make it my mission to get this shit figured out.

At the end of the day, I have always said I want to be financially free but I have never done anything about it. And now that I have been going over my finances recently and learning how to budget, it’s low key been kind of fun?

I feel like I’m in school calculating shit or idk. It feels nice to know where I am at financially and learning how to create actual goals in tackling my debt. I have never thought of that as an option before really.

I used to identify as someone who was “just bad with money” and same I claimed that, my subconscious was doing everything in it’s power to make sure that reality stays true, since that was how I viewed myself as (if that makes sense?).

Something Mark Manson had said in his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is, “The belief always takes precedence. Until we change how we view ourselves, what we believe we are and are not, we cannot overcome our avoidance and anxiety. We cannot change.”

Basically meaning that whatever you tell yourself is always going to be what comes true. Your beliefs are so important because they are the very lens you use to view the world.

I can’t recall which video this is from, but one of my favorite Youtubers, Quazi Johir, had made a video about our beliefs. In the video he mentions that a thought + feeling = belief. And our beliefs are how we specifically see the world. Our perspective on everything revolves around the very things that we believe.

So it is wise to be cautious with what thoughts you are giving feelings to because once you start mixing emotions with your thoughts, you’re creating a new lens/perspective to view the world as.

I hope this makes sense because I am slightly high at the moment.

But yeah, for so long I had been creating this story in my head that I’m a person who is bad with money, which was an excuse to be reckless with it and never pay attention to where my money was going.

And because of that, here I am today with 6 credit cards that are all maxxed out and a credit score that is so silly that you’d probably laugh if you saw it. Which isn’t a not a cute look.. And I’m tryna be cute.

So I deleted Grindr (LOL) after meeting with my friend tonight and going over a plan for me to start tackling my debt.

I know that things are looking up and I just have to keep moving with that mentality. Even on the days that it’s hard.

During this process of figuring things out, I have learned to be kind to myself because there’s so much pressure nowadays and I’m sick and tired of stressing myself out.

I even was pretty calm while bartending today at work and it was super busy. Usually I’m kind of squirrelly but I was only like 23% squirrel today.

This is what we call progress, y’all.

This is also random but have you seen the video of Lana Del Rey asking a fan if she was “chopping it up?” LMAOOOOO. That just crossed my mind and I cackled, so I thought that I would share. “No ma’am.”

Alright though, that is my update for today. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I appreciate you.

Thank you for letting me be me and sharing some mf space (is that how the saying goes?).

I will see y’all on the flip side

Love always,

Kyrin.