Happiest Place on 7th

Yoo… My apologies for not writing for a millisec. However, since we have talked last, ya boy is now driving legally. Ow ow!! My account is still in the negatives and my card declined when I went to Wawa this morning but everything is fine! I find it kinda funny :)

Just so silly.

Okay I know that is bad, but I have just gotten to the point that who fucking cares. I’m doing the best that I can with what I have right now and doing a lot of internal healing and growing, so shit is going to fucking work out. Even though these are my circumstances right now, I am actively on a journey of becoming a man and being able to handle my shit.

I’m well on my way.

It’s also been a minute since I have written because I am now single (happened the night of that last blog post low key). The way that everything happened, I am really grateful for the knowledge and wisdom that he brought into my life. A lot of lessons that I needed in order for me to grow in the ways that I needed to level up. So even though we aren’t really on talking terms, I am very thankful for him and his time spent in my life.

Saying that though, I have been KICKING ASS on this website. I feel like since I have been single I have been able to put my full focus on this project and now that I am locked in, it is just a matter of time before it takes off. I have been putting a lot of time, energy, thought, and just myself into this shit. It has really helped with my self esteem because I am doing all of this shit on my own.

Bouncing off of that, today I had realized that getting started was literally the hardest part of this journey so far. Prior to having this website, I was wandering aimlessly until something “came up” but I am really grateful that I decided to say fuck it and build this mf thang.

It’s taught me that you just need to have a general idea in the direction that you want to go in and just start fucking walking. Don’t think, just start moving. Trust your gut, listen to the wind, and do what feels right. You will be surprised on the journey you will take if you start taking the time to listen to yourself.

When I say, “listen to the wind” I mean observe your surroundings. Where are you at in life right now? Are you happy? Or should I say, are you fulfilled? If you are, that’s awesome and I am so happy to hear that. If you are not happy or do not feel fulfilled, why? What are you doing, or rather, what are you not doing, that is bringing up these emotions out of you? If you are feeling depressed, what are you feeling depressed about? If you are feeling anxious, what is it that you are feeling anxious about? These feelings do not just come out naturally, they stem from somewhere in your subconscious that is causing you to have these feelings. Are you doing anything about it to resolve these feelings? Or do you cling on to these feelings, and claim them because it brings you some sort of level of comfort as to why you are not actively trying to resolve your issues? If you ask the hard questions, the wind will answer. Maybe not right away, but you’ll know when you know.

As humans, we are curious creatures and we naturally like to have something to do, so why not take the time and find answers to the questions that you seek. Make it fun. Turn it into a game. Go one quests, go on side-quests, your questions are the roadmap to an epic journey. I would like to add that I don’t like the word “epic” so much, because of it’s overuse in media back in like 2010, so for me to say epic, know that you could go on such an epic fucking journey idk. Just a thought.

I’m not sure where all of this came from, but it felt right to type it out so I hope that is useful for you.

Shifting gears, this month has a new theme.

When I did my tarot reading for May to see what the theme for this month was going to be, I had gotten The Moon. Which according to Biddy Tarot (https://biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/major-arcana/moon/ ):

“The Moon represents your fears and illusions and often comes out when you are projecting fear into your present and your future, based on your past experiences. You may have a painful memory that caused emotional distress, and rather than dealing with the emotions you pushed them down deep into your subconscious. Now, these emotions are making a reappearance, and you may find yourself under their influence on a conscious or subconscious level. For example, if you had a car accident when you were young but didn’t deal with the emotions, you may get sad or anxious every time you get into the backseat of a car. To remedy this, connect with your subconscious mind and release any fears or anxieties holding you back. Hypnosis, therapy and shamanic healing can support this process.

The Moon can indicate a time of uncertainty and illusion, when nothing is what it seems. Be careful of making fast decisions when The Moon appears because you may later realize you only had half the information you needed. You need to listen to and trust your intuition so you can see beyond what is in front of you. Feel into situations rather than thinking what they mean. Let go of your conscious mental blocks or negative self-talk and allow your intuition to guide you. Your dreams, intuitions and inner guidance lead you forward toward higher levels of understanding if you listen and use your judgement to help interpret the messages of the subconscious.

When The Moon card appears in your Tarot reading, pay close attention to the lunar cycles and attune to its divine power using ritual, visualization or Tarot readings. Connect with the divine feminine and uncover deep intuitive insights and visions of what lies beyond everyday life. On the New Moon, set your intentions and plant the seeds of opportunity so they can grow. And on the Full Moon, honor your achievements and look at what you need to release so that new aspects of yourself can shine.”

Which is so fucking funny because prior to the reading, I hadn’t realized it but I have been clinging on to my “trauma” like it was a fucking token for so long and making this website was very me-based and I don’t think it would have done well if I were to launch it like I had initially planned because it would have given off a bad first impression.

I also was trying to focus on videos and music for the website to share my story, but other things are demanding my focus right now, so I have shifted focuses for the time being.

I want this website to be a place where people come for guidance and I just want to be a light throughout the darkness. So that’s been my mindset shift so far this month.

While putting the tarot cards away, I had noticed that one was still left on the floor. So I took that as a sign that this month is supposed to have two themes. The second card I had gotten was the Page of Swords.

According to Biddy Tarot (https://biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/minor-arcana/suit-of-swords/page-of-swords/ ):

“The Page of Swords is full of energy, passion and enthusiasm. When this card shows up in a Tarot reading, you are bursting with new ideas and plans for the future. You may be excited about starting a new project, pursuing a new approach or learning something new. You have so much energy that you feel as though you could do almost anything – and you can! The challenge, however, is whether you can keep it up. As with all Pages, the beginning always looks promising, but you need something else to follow through and keep up the pace.

The Page of Swords often emerges when you are exploring a new way of thinking – a new idea, a new perspective, new knowledge, or a new technique. You have a curious mind and a thirst for knowledge. As you explore this fresh way of thinking, you are asking lots of questions and gathering as much information as possible. You are also very much in the exploratory phase and not mastery. You may be prone to making mistakes along the way, but your curiosity means that you are eager to learn from your slip-ups.

As the Swords relate to communication, the Page of Swords suggests that you are exploring a different way of expressing yourself with others and communicating your ideas and opinions. You may be drawn to public speaking, writing a book or a blog, starting a podcast, or being more vocal on social media. You are a natural communicator and ready to take the next step to share your message with the world. Again, this is the exploratory phase, so be open to new ways of expressing yourself and discovering where your inner talents lie.

If you are looking for a sign to move ahead with a new project, the Page of Swords says, ‘Go for it!’ There will always be challenges with whatever way you choose, and not everyone will be thrilled with your choices, but when it comes down to it, you need to follow your passions and go where your true energy lies. This Page encourages you to move forward and to get the wheels in motion, despite any challenges or setbacks that might stand in the way.

The Page of Swords can also represent your relationship with a person who is exploring their ability to communicate, share ideas, and gather information. You may have your moments with this Page, as the Swords often express a level of tension or conflict, and this bundle of energy may sometimes prove too much to handle. If you need to, give yourself a break from this person, and return with fresh eyes. They have a lot to share with you, and despite their inexperience, may teach you something about yourself. You need to stay open to their enthusiasm to learn more about the world.”

So yeah, that’s been the themes for the past 9 days and I mf feel it.

On May 1st, I also deleted my Grindr (I know, omg!!). I told myself that I was going to have it for all of May. And so far it’s been going well and I have been able to put more focus on my passions.

I keep getting in my head about publishing this website, but it isn’t naturally happening yet so I need to be more kind to myself. No one really even knows that I am building this, so there isn’t really a rush. I just want to perfect it before announcing it to the world, which is why I don’t want to post about it really until it happens.

Because I am also actively working on this shit every day, so if it isn’t done yet, why put so much pressure when I am working, ya know? Telling you that, but that’s mainly meant for me, hehe.

My Tarot reading said to pay attention to the moon cycle this month, and last night May 8th was the New Moon. I had gone out in Ybor with some dear friends of mine. While I was out, I was paying attention to how I felt and my thoughts that I was having. I was having such an awesome day and felt really blessed. My account was negative, but I was surrounded by people that genuinely wanted me around and it was really refreshing.

My friends that I went out with are super loving people and super giving. They are also in a chapter in their lives where a lot of good is happening. New house, new career opportunities, growing, and just fucking going at it. I’m really proud of them, but with me starting to turn Tampa So Far into a business and as a means for income, it showed me that I want to be just as giving.

The more I grow, the more I am able to give. So as I grow, I need to have that in mind.

It’s important to hang out with successful people because you are whoever you associate with at the end of the day. I know there are some rare cases, but as a whole, ya know what I mean.

I felt like I had ass New Moon. According to the Tarot reading, I am supposed to sit back and reflect on these things on the Full Moon that is going to be happening May 23rd. So I’m gonna have to get back to you on that and how that goes.

That’s pretty much all I have to say this time around.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my silly little thoughts. I hope I was able to provide you with something useful as you go slay your mf dragons.

I love you so much and I will see you on the flip side!

Love always, Kyrin.