Why So Smol?

After creating my last blog post, my sister and I had a conversation about Amway and what direction I am heading in with my art.

She said that I still think like a college student and I need to stop taking opportunities that “sound good” and stay focused and stick with the path that I am trying to pave.

She also mentioned that I am making myself small by working these serving jobs. Which she isn’t necessarily wrong, but I don’t know..

Throughout my life, I have noticed that I have a tendency of making myself small. But maybe it’s because I haven’t really taken the time to become competent in anything and subconsciously I know that.

I have amazing traits and and amazing skill, but my downfall is that I don’t really know how to utilize any of it. And in turn, I make myself feel small.

It’s like I’m on level 28 of my life, and I have the experience to equip all of these skills to my character, but I haven’t upgraded them since level 24. For all my gamer people, I hope that makes sense?

Also, coming from a lower-middle-class family, I have always been kind of small when it comes to the social classes, I guess.

Which is why I think I get so uncomfortable when I am around people with money.

It’s always been something that’s been kind of foreign to me. Plus I have seen the entitlement that a lot of people in Tampa have that make money, and I don’t want that.

Part of me has been scared that I would lose a part of myself if I were to make lots of money. But I ended up throwing that idea in the trash because money just enhances whoever you are. So I have been building myself up to be the type of man that I want to become, that way, when I do have more money coming in, it won’t change me but enhance me where ever I am at physically, spiritually, and mentally.

After my talk with my sister the other night, I ended it with the topic that I can do anything that I set my mind to, I just need to sit down and really set my mind to one thing.

My art has always been the one thing that I keep going back to. But when I say art, I mean I want to create. I don’t give a fuck what I’m creating, I just want to make stuff.

I love graphic design, painting, collaging, photography, video editing, etc. literally anything creative, and I eat that shit up.

So it’s been difficult for me to come up with a way to tie everything in together, but I know that I can fucking do it.

This website is kind of my opportunity to sort of figure out how to do exactly that.

After my sister and I’s talk, we ended up going to bed.

I had a dream that the world was ending and floods started to happen. And throughout my dream, I was so upset that I hadn’t dove more into my art and now the world was falling apart.

When I woke up, I had such a heavy heart.

Then I checked the time and it was 3:33 am.

ANGEL NUMBERS AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!?!?!?!?!

According to some blog post written by Olivia Munson on USA Today talking about angel numbers, she states, “The angel number 333 encourages to set plans into action and let your personal strength be the guide; to trust yourself and put thought into your choices. This angel number also is connected with optimism, creativity and intuition.”

Since it’s from another post, I’m not sure how resourceful it is, but hey, it’s on the internet so it has to be true, right? Hehe.

I started to read more of Dan Koe’s book, The Art of Focus and have some new principles I would like to share with you. So let’s mf go.

• Self-experimentation

  • This principle sort of states that our true experience out of life comes from us experimenting. When we try new things it allows us to grow and shift our perspective. Dan explains that gaining true experience is how you stand out in the marketplace.

  • I have done that a lot these past few years.

  • I had a really tough breakup a few years ago, and since then I have sort of been re-finding myself. And the only way that I have been able to do this, is to constantly experiment and try new things so I could find out what I like, and what I didn’t like.

  • Many of the things that I thought I liked and wanted before, I have found out through self-experimentation that I don’t really want many of the things that I had thought that I wanted for so long.

• Intelligent Imitaiton

  • In this section, Dan explains that the only way to make a change in movement with the direction that you are heading in- in life, is to make a conscious change in what we surround ourselves with. Such as the people we surround ourselves with, the environments that we place ourselves in, and the information we choose to be exposed to.

  • Dan states, “By immersing yourself in the stimuli that is conducive to your ideal future, you pick up subtle hints that compound into useful knowledge.”

  • One way I have been doing this, is working at my friend’s steakhouse. I used to get so anxious working there because it is a fine-dining establishment and I have rarely ever been able to even eat at fine-dining restaurants. So being in that environement used to make me uncomfortable.

  • But now that I am growing who I am, I have shifted my perspective on this to learn from the customers that I am serving at work because they all have money. And by immersing myself around these people, I know that I am going to be able to level up because I am being exposed to prime examples of how people with money act and move.

• Radical Open-mindness

  • In today’s day and age, and honestly, throughout the entire history, people have been extremely narrow minded. Which has caused a lot of issues and turmoil throughout humanity’s existence. But being open-minded and allowing ourselves to explore more than just what’s on the surface of things, allows our minds to grow in ways we can’t even imagine.

  • I do my best at having an open-mind to anything and everything. At the end of the day, who even really knows what the truth of anything is. So I keep an open-mind that anything is possible. Because ya never really know. Ya know?

• Observe & Question

  • I liked this one a lot because growing up, I grew up in a very Christian household. And growing up as a guy in the closet, I had to question my religion multiple times. Mainly because why the heck would God make me like boys if it’s so frowned upon? Shit don’t add up. And also why does it matter that people like people of the same sex? I never understood the reasoning behind it because we are all people at the end of the day. Is it so absurd to like our own species and have something as silly as our genders separate us from who we like? Idk, but it’s made me question a lot about Christianity and a lot about religion. And just everything.

  • Sorry for taking it to the religion, but that’s where my mind had went so I just rolled with it, hehe.

  • In this portion, Dan states, “No idea is too sacred to question, and the more sacred it seems, the more it should be questioned.”

  • “Question the things that people make you think are crazy for questioning. That is the beginning of many inspiring origin stories.

  • I like this though because I am a firm believer in asking hella questions. It’s important to know why anyone’s really doing anything. So I just be asking questions.

and last but not least (for today), we have:

• Judgment Vs. Discernment

  • In this portion, Dan explains that we ad people, will never understand or have access to anyone else’s state of mind. We will never understand the situations that they experience and we will never have the full picture.

  • When comparing judgment and discernment, judgment has a tendency of leading people to being close-minded. However, discernment gives us the opportunity to view and have some type of understanding of other people’s circumstances/experiences that allows us to make better decisions for our own development. Meaning that we can sort of understand where others are coming from without coming from a place of judgment/closed-mindedness.

That’s all I have for today folks. I’m going to dissect the reason as to why I have made myself so small in the past and what I can do to make myself break this habit.

Something is telling me that a big part of why I make myself so small is because I am aware of the potential that I possess. However, I am no where near where I know I could be. And so I believe that subconsciously I know that, and if I were to compare the person who I am now with the person that I am meant to become (my highest-self), then yeah, I am a teenie tiny little guy.

But it’s time to put this bitch in sport and figure out what the hell is even going on. Because someone’s gotta know!

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I appreciate you v much :)

Talk to you soon!

Love always, Kyrin. (Chunky Rat)