The Last Day of November
As you can tell by the title of this post, today is the last day of November 2023. I still can not believe that this year is almost coming to an end. So much had happened in 2022 that I felt like a lot of my time in 2023 was spent learning how to unpack and readjust amongst all of the noise. And time has just been flying by ahhhhhh.
This time in my life is extremely pivotable for me and I’m happy that I am documenting what I am doing throughout the process.
I built this website on a whim earlier this month and am stoked to see what I decide to do with it. I’ve been doing some research on what I could grow this website to, but I find myself wanting to do so many things and I am in the process of figuring out what logistically makes the most sense. So we shall see.
In a month this year will be coming to an end. And as we have been making our way swiftly through 2023, I have been reflecting on what I want 2024 to look like.
This past year, I had become aware that I had been putting so much unnecessary pressure on myself to accomplish my goals; to the point where it was slowing me down on actually completing any of my goals. I started to stress myself out by taking everything so seriously and began to start going down a negative spiral. I kept stressing out about the “how” am I going to accomplish anything and everything and I have learned to really let go and let God. Or in other words, I’m letting the Universe play everything out while solely focusing on the things that I can control, while no longer giving much thought or energy to the things that I can not.
In addition to no longer stressing out about how things are going to work out, it is also important to note that this past year (more like this past month honestly), I have began to narrow down on what it is exactly that I want to put my full attention on.
A year ago today, I was journaling about my goals for 2023 and asking myself questions like:
• What will increase sales?
• What will increase my social proof?
• What will improve my profitability/operations?
• What do I need to do to master my craft?
These are all great questions to ask, however at the time I was focusing on sooooooooo many things. I was constantly trying to accomplish so many projects and goals that I wasn’t really being successful at anything that I was working on.
I had started to do Onlyfans and was wanting to have that be my main source of income while pursuing a career in music, while also managing a youtube account and ALSO creating a brand that specialized in Poppers- YEE.
Each of these things are all completely different and I had put so much pressure on myself to do great at everything that it really started to take a major toll on my self esteem. Mainly because I was in fact, not really being great in any of these areas that I had been working on. Which ultimately made me feel like I wasn’t really great at anything in my life.
The worst part was that I was not even aware that I had been doing this for so long. But also, that’s a part of the journey and that’s why I am here sharing this with you today.
Since then, I have also had to sit down with myself and ask why I had wanted THESE specific things. Like why did I want to do Onlyfans, why did I want to pursue a career in music, why did I want to do Youtube, and why did I want to have my own poppers brand.
I had been lying to myself about why I had wanted to do each of these things and ultimately that was one of the main reasons I had not been successful with any of them as well.
My why was never strong enough.
My why for OnlyFans was low key because I was insecure and I wanted to force myself to be confident. And what screams confidence more than posting explicit videos on the web for people to watch. I thought this would work, but a year later I am here to tell you that me pursuing this with that intent had messed me up more than anything. But that’s a story for another day.
My why for pursuing a career in music was inspired by John Summit and Fred Again.. I can’t even lie. John Summit’s story of him graduating college, getting a professional job and quitting it to pursue his dreams was so inspirational to me. So my brain was like “Wow, okay. I gotta do that too.” Which again, wasn’t a strong enough why. But I’m happy the story had inspired me because although I am not pursuing a career in music, I did quit my professional job and am now focusing on what’s next.
My why for wanting to do Youtube was because I had always wanted to do it since I was a kid. But I haven’t been able to be successful with it because to be honest, that isn’t a really motivating reason to pursue such a thing. Although it genuinely has been something that I have always thought about since I was in middle school. However, it is something that I always find myself going back to. So maybe finding a strong enough why to do this would be beneficial. Stay tuned.
Lastly, my why for poppers was because I was addicted to them and I loved how they made me feel. That rush that I get from them made me want to create my own brand so I can make people feel that same feeling. However, I decided against this because one of the main reasons why I was obsessed with poppers was kind of sad, and they aren’t good for your health so it just seemed like something I shouldn’t really pursue because at the end of the day, all I want to do is help people.
That is my why for creating this blog. I believe in the power of testimony and so I hope that if you’re reading this, it helps you in some way, shape, or form.
If you have time to, consider sitting down and asking yourself why you are working on the things that you are currently working on. Are those things genuinely benefiting you? If they aren’t, why are you giving it energy?
This is your only shot at life and I hope you and I can figure out a strong enough why to pursue and tackle anything and everything that we want to accomplish during our time on this planet.
As this post slowly comes to an end, I hope you read this with an open heart and an open mind. If you are struggling in any areas of your life right now or feel stuck, remember to ask yourself why, why, why. But really try to get down to the nitty gritty so you can figure it out and figure out what the next steps are. We have one more month of this year, so in December, let’s figure out where we are and what we want for 2024.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, I greatly appreciate you :)
See you on the flip side.
Love always,
Kyrin.
